Sleepless Night
by bitterfloof
Summary: . . . in the vague light of the room, he could count the freckles on Midoriya's face, see the little wisps of hair that fell across his face . . . He was serine in a way. "Do you ev- . . . Do you get . . . nightmares Todoroki?"


**NOTE: CROSSPOSTED ON AO3**

* * *

It was nearing 4 in the morning when Todoroki looked at his phone again. The last time he had checked it was a little past one and even though all he was doing was lying awake, the hours seemed to be passing strangely fast. Maybe that meant he was falling asleep and waking up or maybe the boredom had finally got to him and even if it felt like he had only been lying awake for a few moments, it had really been hours.

It had been hours. And he was still lying awake and staring at the ceiling. He'd tried falling asleep, the same techniques he always used. Curl up, close his eyes and hope. Pray. Wish that life would be lucky enough to let him sleep.

It didn't always happen and more often than not he was left lying awake.

It was frustrating at times - more often than not if he was completely honest - you needed sleep to function. It was a basic human need and by god, if Todoroki's body was not intent on stripping him of that basic function but not letting him fall asleep. At times, maybe it was better that way because often when he slept, he remembered. Remember crying, tears and something warm and slick under his hands. More tears and angry shouting. Red hot pain and more tears

Always tears. So maybe not sleeping did him some good. But then again . . . when he didn't sleep he was sluggish and slow. And even though he could hide it walk enough, Todoroki knew that others could tell.

Midoriya especially. He loved him dearly, but sometimes Todoroki wished he wasn't so . . . weirdly observant. It was usually the case on days when Todoroki just wanted to be left alone at lunch time and break, maybe to just lie his head down on his school desk and get a few minutes of sleep when Midoriya would come up to him, his eyes bright . . . shining . . . well rested . . .

He wasn't jealous or anything. No. That was ridiculous. Jealous of people who could sleep well. That was . . . so . . . so . . . Very stupid. Yeah, totally stupid because Todoroki didn't get jealous. Well, maybe a little. He wanted the ability to sleep through the night and wake up rested and ready. To be beaming with the optimism only Midoriya could give off. Or, even if he couldn't be a bright spark like Midoriya, then sleep enough that he wouldn't feel like he was internally dying more days than not.

Because it sure was getting that bad. Cat naps only got him so far.

His phone suddenly buzzed, the dim light of the screen illuminating the room briefly. Todoroki didn't really want to look at it, didn't want to move. He was lying on his back looking up at the ceiling wondering if he could fall asleep like that. But then his curiosity got the better of him and he picked up his phone to unlock it.

From: _Midoriya_

'you still awake?'

From: _Todoroki_

'hiw did you kbow?'

Good question. How did Midoriya know? Better yet why was he even awake at that time. It was slipping much closer to the 5 am mark and not long after that people would start getting up. Around 6 Tokoyami would begin moving around (always an early riser). He'd hear people moving from below (Kirishima and Bakugou probably going on a run). And Todoroki would lie awake; another night passing where he didn't sleep.

Midoriya, however, had no reason to be awake at that time. Unless something was wrong?

From: _Midoriya_

'just a feeling you would be'

Todoroki had to ask.

From: _Todoroki_

'is sometbing that matter?'

There was a lull in the conversation, longer than Midoriya's last answer had been and Todoroki thought that his late night/early morning conversationalist had fallen asleep on him (wouldn't be the first time either).

From: _Midoriya_

'no, is something the matter with you?'

From: _Todoroki_

'nithbg that isn't usually wrong'

He knew his spelling had passed the mark of 'late night bad' to 'sleep deprived abysmal' but he couldn't really care. He was so damn tired. So fucking tired and so sick to death of not being able to sleep. It sucked and he just wanted it to end. He'd take the nightmares and bad dreams if it meant that he'd sleep the whole night through. It would be much more preferable than trying to sleep and not being able to.

From: _Midoriya_

'can't sleep?'

From: _Todoroki_

'thats ine wsy ti put it'

Was that even a language? Fuck he was so done - his mind or body was not.

From: _Midoriya_

'anything bothering you?'

Oh, not much. Feelings of utter exhaustion. Fear of nightmares and memories haunting him in the dark. Not being able to sleep but wanting to. Lack of control over his own life at that current point. Just the usual stuff and even though Midoriya knew quite a lot of what was going on. Todoroki was still not a-okay with sharing everything.

He just couldn't do it. There was just too much. And he was just so tired. The tiredness was an emotional weight on his chest, threatening to suffocate him at any point. He didn't want to worry his friends with that. It wasn't something they needed to deal with - Midoriya especially. Closing his eyes for a few brief, quiet moments before reacting to Midoriya again

From: _Todoroki_

'not rwally. Nit more thsn normal. I'm okay'

Liar.

From: _Midoriya_

'come down here'

From: _Todoroki_

'why?'

From: _Midoriya_

'please. Just, come down to my room'

Todoroki sighed. He didn't want to move but he was also just lying in the dark. Maybe moving around would do him some good. Or maybe it would wake him up and completely fuck with him entirely - that was also possible. He didn't exactly want to move but he did.

From: _Todoroki_

'oka. Ill be doen in s minue'

Midoriya would know what he meant.

* * *

The UA dorms were a lot more . . . intimidating at night. He knew the place like the back of his hand but with all the lights shut off and nobody around the whole place felt eerie and deserted like he was on the set of a horror movie. His sleep addled mind kept telling him that a villain could be around any corner, that something could jump out at him at any moment.

It was dumb to think but Todoroki couldn't help it. After all, it wasn't like it could happen, but it was also really unlikely.

He padded silently along the corridor counting doors to make sure he wouldn't accidentally wake up one of this sleeping classmates since they weren't the ones having to deal with disturbed sleep and it wouldn't be fair on them since everybody worked hard and deserved some decent sleep

Heh, funny that.

When Todoroki finally reached Midoriya's door he stopped, hand hovering before he knocked very lightly, almost mutely. Maybe too quiet since it felt like a while before the door swung open revealing a rather tired looking Midoriya.

"Are you sure you wouldn't be better of sleeping."

"I wouldn't be sleeping realty," Midoriya whispered opening the door a little wider so Todoroki could enter.

The room was pitch black and Todoroki suspected that, much like himself, Midoriya had been lying in the dark on his phone. There was a small voice in the back of Todoroki's head that sounded weirdly like Iida and was loudly making a fuss about 'wrecking their eyesight' and 'not using a phone at night'. Apparently, phones could disturb sleep, it wasn't unheard of and Todoroki knew it himself - but reading things online sure beat lying in the dark staring at nothing.

Even if it was more detrimental to his already shitty sleeping habit. But what was he really to do?

Midoriya flopped onto his bed before gesturing to Todoroki that he could follow. He did . . . Weirdly nervous. It wasn't the first time either had spent time in the others room, but maybe it was how late at night it was that just made something feel different. Regardless Todoroki shoved those thoughts away but still didn't move from the position by the door. In the dark, Todoroki could only make out Midoriya's figure (mostly accented by his crazy fluffy hair) but it was still light enough that Todoroki could plainly see where Midoriya was looking.

Right at him.

The dim light from the window lit up Midoriya's eyes enough that it was easy to tell that Todoroki was being stared at and if it didn't half unnerve him. Which was weird because Todoroki usually didn't mind the way Midoriya watched him. Midoriya watched everybody. His mind was wildly analytical, picking up on the littlest of things very quickly. However, in the dark having somebody stare was a little creepy - and whilst Todoroki cared deeply for Midoriya, his darkened stare was still a little off putting but he tried not to let it bother him.

"Are you okay?" Midoriya asked suddenly, his voice but a whisper.

"What ... In what way?' Todoroki replied, looking away from Midoriya and staring at the blackened wall in front of him.

"I mean ... Not ... Well ... Sleeping ... I guess."

Todoroki sighed it wasn't like he could really say 'oh yeah, I'm totally okay. My sleeping habits are totally not screwed beyond repair' when he was sitting up with his boyfriend at nearly 5 in the morning - which sounded romantic, except both Todoroki and Midoriya were tired beyond belief and if it wasn't fir their brief conversation continuing, Midoriya might have passed out where he sat. Todoroki was no better. So late at night (early in the morning?) didn't make for the best conversation times and silence became a very prominent feature. Mostly from Todoroki.

"I ... just don't sleep well. It's not that bad."

"The bags under tour eyes say otherwise," Midoriya commented quietly. Todoroki wondered if Midoriya's quirk gave him night vision or something because how would he ever be able to see that - Todoroki made very sure to hide any signs of sleepless nights from his class because even though he trusted them a lot more than before, he still wasn't really wanting to share his problems. Even with Midoriya, he wasn't quite at the 200% okay stage with him.

And Midoriya knew about his family situation - which was saying a lot really.

"It's nothing I can't handle," Todoroki responded lightly before rubbing his eyes. God he was tried, he kind of just wanted to go back to his room but also knew that it didn't matter how tired he was because no doubt he'd just go and lie in his room, stare at the ceiling and watch the light filter through his curtains as another grim reminder that he'd spent another night lying awake instead of getting the rest he so desperately wanted.

"Are you sure . . . Because . . . I . . . Worry and . . . If you're not sleeping well. . . Well. . ." Midoriya's stuttering was probably a cross between trying to be tactful and his brain failing at staying awake - which Todoroki kind of felt bad for like it was his fault he and Midoriya were still awake even though it was Midoriya who had invited him down in the first place. Maybe he should just go . . .

"If you're wanting to sleep, I can go back to my room. I don't mean to keep you awake."

"No, you're not bothering me. Not keeping me awake . . . I'm usually awake at this time anyway . . ." Midoriya let out a nervous laugh and it hit Todoroki like a tonne of bricks - Midoriya was just as bad as he was.

Just as bad at staying awake. And it kind of made Todoroki want to find out more - to have a little more insight into the person's, who he called his boyfriends, mind. Like if he knew, something in him would settle and even though that was so stupid, it still gave him a strange sense of hope. Midoriya was just as bad as he was and that way they could . . . Suffer together - so to speak because Todoroki wouldn't really want Midoriya to suffer. Ever. Especially with something as stupid as insomnia.

But hey, he was a hypocrite himself.

"Yeah, me too," Todoroki admitted. There was no point in lying since there would be no other explanation for him being awake at such an hour without it seeming suspicious. After all, the sun was barely creeping over the horizon and nobody should have been moving around at that time in the morning. It was just too damn early, and Todoroki was so damn tired. But so was Midoriya, it wasn't exactly that difficult to see. There were dark circles under his eyes and his usually fluffy hair was flattened in strange ways from obvious tossing and turning (unlike Todoroki's own hair which was sticking up from tossing and turning).

He sort of wanted to ask, but also sort of didn't. Like he would be encroaching on something they still had to work towards. Something personal and deep - Todoroki wasn't good with the whole personal and deep shit, that was more Midoriya's thing. He had a magic way if getting that sort of thing out of a person. A way Todoroki hadn't worked out yet and still had a hard time breaching.

He as working on it though. Well . . . sort of.

"I'm sorry if I'm keeping you awake," Midoriya mumbled, his quiet words punctuated by a yawn. He must have been as frustratingly tired as Todoroki was, there wasn't that bright sparkle his eyes always seemed to have. That crazy determined fierceness that made Midoriya ... Well ... Midoriya. He just seemed tired and really young. Younger than he was, a child with too much to carry. Maybe that was true, and Todoroki wished he could do something about it.

"You're not. I would be lying awake regardless if you had messaged me or not. It's . . . kind of a regular occurrence."

If didn't occur to either of them that they were basically going around in circles. Todoroki was so tired he didn't really care, just sort of went with it.

"Come here a second," Midoriya gestured for Todoroki, who had been standing by the door, for the most part, to come towards his bed. Which Todoroki did before being pulled onto by Midoriya. "Just sit with me for s while ... Please." It came out strained and small, to which Todoroki couldn't say no. And why would he want to – because the moment he found himself in a comfortable position, Midoriya shuffled in closer to lean his head again Todoroki's arm. It was a comforting feeling with Midoriya leaning against him, knowing that he was going through basically the same thing.

"Insomnia is the worst," Todoroki muttered, and he felt Midoriya nod in response. He had his eyes shut and seemed to be falling asleep where he sat. It was cute and all (oh fuck it was adorable, and Todoroki was burning the image of sleepy Midoriya cuddled up to him into his mind for future times) but Todoroki's arm was falling asleep, but he also really didn't want to move. It was quite the dilemma, but he didn't need to worry as Midoriya shifted again, holding onto the Todoroki's shirt as he tried to curl up in his bed.

"Just...lie down... Just for a little while."

The bed wasn't exactly large and even though Midoriya was quite small and Todoroki quite slim, they had to be quite close, almost nose to nose to fit comfortably. But Todoroki didn't mind, in the vague light of the room, he could count the freckles on Midoriya's face, see the little wisps of hair that fell across his face . . . He was serine in a way.

"Do you ev- . . . Do you get . . . nightmares Todoroki?" Midoriya asked quietly, opening his eyes to look up towards Todoroki who looked back, his fringe falling into his eyes. "Because . . . I . . . do. Sometimes . . . not every night."

Oh.

That explained it. That explained a lot. Sighing quietly, Todoroki slung one arm over Midoriya and pulled him close, resting his chin on the top of Midoriya's head. He didn't want to answer straight away; the moment was too perfect. Silent and still. Only broken by their breathing and any distant noises of the night. Todoroki wanted to hold into Midoriya forever in that moment, stay as still and silent as they were. A moment of peace in an otherwise crazy world.

It didn't last. It wouldn't last and eventually, Todoroki sighed.

"Sometimes . . . not always," He wanted to say the whole 'nothing I can't handle' but that would be lying. Too many times had he been woken up, shaking from a nightmare that played dimly in front of his eyes. From fights he could have won to memories of his childhood. Nothing was safe, and everything could be used against him by his own mind. It was cruel and sick that one's own mind would do such a thing. But that's the way it was.

Midoriya just looked sad. Tired but sad, looking up to Todoroki with wide eyes, eyebrows creased ever so slightly. He snuggled in closer to Todoroki's side and sighed a little.

"I wish I could take away your nightmares," Midoriya mumbled, it was barely audible, but Todoroki knew what he said and restrained himself from replying because he wished Midoriya would too.

Something he would do in return. Sleeping without the thought that there could be a moment where he would be ripped from sleep because of some memory - it would be nice. Todoroki wanted the same for Midoriya, some days where he could sleep undisturbed. Even if it wasn't every day, just some would be better than none.

Todoroki stared up towards the ceiling, unable to really respond to Midoriya who was still snuggled into his side, cuddled close, head buried slightly into the crook of his arm. He looked down towards his boyfriend who seemingly had fallen asleep, a small concerned look across his face which concerned Todoroki ever so slightly. Even with him there, Midoriya still couldn't have a perfect sleep.

Shifting ever so slightly Todoroki curled around Midoriya; "I wish I could help you more Izuku,' Todoroki whispered into Midoriya's hair.

* * *

The next time Todoroki opened his eyes, the room was much brighter, and he was vaguely aware of somebody knocking at his bedroom door . . . Except it wasn't his bedroom, there was too much All Might merch for that, and his arm was completely numb as Midoriya had wrapped himself around it like a snake sometime during however long they had been asleep for. By the look of the sun, it might have been a while.

Slowly Todoroki peeled himself out if Midoriya's grasp to stand up and quietly as possible make his way to the door. He pulled it open to be met with a confused looking Iida (which was totally understandable because he probably hadn't expected Todoroki to open the door for Midoriya's room when his own was a floor above).

"Good morning," Todoroki said sleepily, the sunlight from the hallway burning his eyes ever so slightly.

"Afternoon actually, that's why I came up to find Midoriya. Is he okay?"

Todoroki looked over at the sleeping figure of Midoriya who hadn't moved since Todoroki had freed himself if his vice like grip.

"Yeah, he was just tired . . ." Very tired indeed. "I can wake him up if it's urgent."

"Ni that's quite alright. We were just wondering if something was the matter."

Iida left quickly after that and as much as Todoroki wanted to curl back up in bed with Midoriya he knew he would never get back to sleep so instead, he lay back down next to Midoriya one arm above his head, the other slung over his boyfriend's smaller body. Todoroki knew they'd have to move eventually because it was getting kind of late in the day; though it wasn't like they had class or anything so maybe . . . just maybe . . . they could stay there a little longer.

Todoroki lay close to Midoriya for a short while before his thirst and hunger gave out on him and as much as he would love to continue admiring his boyfriend for the rest of the day, he knew he couldn't. Sitting up slowly, Todoroki planted a gentle kiss on the side if Midoriya's head. He might not have been able to take away Midoriya's nightmares or rid himself of his own, but a night or two like that wouldn't hurt.

* * *

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 **Thank you for reading**


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